More painful even, than the abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of my parents, was the subsequent denial, on their parts, that any abuse happened to me while under their care.
Fourteen years ago, right after Mom got out of the hospital, no longer lucid, never again independent, you arranged an ambush for me, right before I was to leave for a water park with my children and grandchildren. You directed the seating in what was, at the time, my residence, for what you called a “visit”.
Why didn’t you inform me that you wanted to discuss Mom’s estate with me and find a time that would have worked for me? Because you wanted to stun me, hurt me and humiliate me. Why?
These kinds of wounds don’t heal. The nonrelationship you and I still have is your doing. I realize you don’t care, but if you were to care, this hateful bullying on your part would need to be addressed. Telling me it was all Mom is a lie that I am not buying.
Mom’s mouth was still crooked from the brain accident she had just had. She walked unsteadily, she said nothing, except when you handed her something and asked her to read it, which she did without expression. Telling me Mom is the one who wanted to hurt and humiliate me is preposterous. Even if that were true, why did you, not only go along with it, but take the initiative to set it up, and why did you lie to me that this was to be a “visit”?
This little kangaroo court, set up and presided over by you, was about my need for some acknowledgement from my parents that I had been physically and emotionally abused by them during my childhood, and for some empathy for that. It was also about what an affront it was to my parents for me to have such a need. Toni, have you no knowledge of what your older siblings endured, and have you no empathy for those childhood scars?
I know things were playing out real well as far as you were concerned. You obviously value money and property over relationships. Is your lack of ability to show empathy a problem in other situations, or am I the only one who notices?
Toni, I am going to wait to send you this letter. For now, I’ll just post it on my blog, using names for you and me that you won’t recognize, should you happen to run across it. There is still a deal in the works that I don’t want to ruin, although I am not holding my breath.
Oh and by the way, Happy 59th Birthday! (I’ll be celebrating my 69th later this year.)