I woke up this morning with the understanding that it was my brother, Ted’s embezzlement from my parents’ estate to accommodate his wife, Jane’s gambling that resulted in my not having an inheritance. This same gambling, and the enabling of it, more recently, resulted in the taxes not being paid — with the resultant sale — of Ted’s house.
Even though I have known this for some time, I have preferred to look upon Ted as the innocent bystander while I suffered from my sister, Toni’s narcissistic greed.
This does not excuse the cruelty nor the emotional battery of me by Toni and her family during the taking of my house. But it provides a glimmer of understanding of why they had to make some difficult financial decisions.
Toni’s large, ostentations house is sure to be heavily assessed. How is she going to pay the tax bill after retirement? That and the taxes on the acreage she inherited may prove too much without a source of income.
You might think that an extended family could get along and work out such problems together. You might think that if a family member were to be ousted, that a serious transgression would first have to be committed. The transgression of appropriating thousands of dollars over a period of decades in order to enable a gambler seems serious enough to justify Ted’s ouster.
But, what was my crime? There were manufactured difficulties. The gardener, Dimas, was encouraged to verbally attack and harass me and then I was blamed for how I tried to deal with that. There was blame for not having followed a list of priorities that were never even communicated until after it was “too late.” There was emotional abuse and verbal abuse. I am certainly better off now away from that environment.
Kind of reminds me of Trump suddenly shutting down government agencies, putting workers and programs into free fall, just to serve his narcissistic agenda. No help was offered to anybody damaged by his action, just the statement, “They’ll make an adjustment, they always do.” I suppose he knows this from his history of stiffing contractors.
This is the extreme lack of empathy of the narcissist who values “stuff” but despises relationships. A relationship has to be some kind of a trophy in order to count. Obviously I’m not a trophy to my sister. I can be thrown away with no regret.
So how do I have peace with family? It is related to having peace with self. Because I care for self I don’t just volunteer for abuse without a really good reason. But I don’t abandon my self either.
Can a narcissist be rehabilitated? Can a narcissist be kindly corralled so that she no longer has the opportunity to harm others?
We have no idea what the compassionate corralling of narcissists even looks like. We elect a narcissist to the presidency of what used to be the most powerful country in the world, and watch helplessly as he runs it into the ground.
My difficulty imagining the compassionate corralling of narcissists stems from the fact that it has never been accomplished. To achieve this would require quite a crew of non-narcissists. But we are the wallflowers! We are too used to being bossed around by the narcissists!
Number one is, stop taking orders from narcissists. Stop being eager to please. Stop reacting to displeasure by grovelling. Stop volunteering to be a pawn in her game of hierarchy. Stop worshipping her damn feet! (I have to get this.) Stop being her lackey, her booboo, her dummy!
Number two is, answer slowly, pause, reflect. This person is emotionally and spiritually bankrupt, in spite of any appearance to the contrary. Her clothes are stuffed with nothing but fluff.
There are some advantages to society as a whole that could be produced through the stifling of narcissism. We would no longer require an enormous budget for defense or warfare, nor would we require endless wars. The prisons we currently have could house all the violent narcissists or psychopaths. The nonviolent narcissists could be monitored using technology already in place.
Our workload would no longer be augmented to supply the fluff demanded by narcissistic greed, nor the armaments for endless wars. Sufficient food, clothing, shelter, education and healthcare for everyone is so doable, and we would have lots of spare time to just enjoy life with arts, toys, entertainment or just getting to know each other.
The process from here to the world I just described might by a little like the proverbial mouse belling the cat. How do we round up the narcissists and put them under surveillance when they already have us under surveillance? This essay will go nowhere. It is too close to hitting at the heart of the system.
I think that each of us who understands Christ’s prophecy, that the meek shall inherit the earth, must start small, with that narcissistic family member, or that narcissistic work colleague. Understanding, and exposing, to the extent possible, the lack of empathy and the greed of that one individual is all one person can do. The meek will find each other, unite and, one day, compassionately take control. But I have no idea how long this will take.
Switching to a plant-based, unrefined diet, refusing pharmaceuticals (except those whose safety and effectiveness for one’s condition have been scientifically proven) and working only in industries that directly promote peace are things that we can do individually to speed the process of the meek inheriting the earth.
If you are going to guess about a medical treatment, or be persuaded by paternalistic threats or assurances lacking in evidence, better to guess about an herbal product or nutritional strategy, then to guess about an artificial, patented substance, because drugs are harmful. There are poisonous herbs as well, but some of them are effective remedies in dilute concentrations. Unfortunately, we each have to educate ourselves, not just listen to the “experts” because narcissistic greed is big in the pharmaceuticals industry.
A plant based diet frees up land, as much more land and water is required to produce a meat-based meal than to produce a plant-based meal. The meat-based meal causes more pollution. Runoff from dairies and feedlots becomes a problem infecting the irrigation water for produce farms downstream. This is how salad greens have become contaminated with E. Coli. Meat farms and dairies also contaminate ground water with nitrates. We need some manure to grow fruit, vegetables, grains, nuts and seeds, but in a perfect world we would produce it ourselves instead of flushing our bodily waste into waterways necessitating an expensive, and chemically contaminating cleanup of municipal water.
The plant-based diet is a baby step many are learning how to make. But what about our pets? Must we castrate and keep a creature a prisoner and a slave for our emotional needs? Must we kill animals and desecrate the environment in order to feed our pet? You see there are other steps towards the goal of the meek inheriting the earth. Would a truly selfless renunciate subject another creature to her whim? Wild animals are lovable too, from a distance, for their good, because they must maintain their distrust of all humans until there are no more hunters. Then the wilderness can become our petting zoo.
“The war to end all wars,” is pro-war propaganda. Vicious lies were spread to get us into war each time it happened. Those lacking in human empathy enjoy the lucrative gain of the war industry. The soldiers are the perpetual losers in the war game. I hope they are learning.
We do need some policing though. The kind of policing I envision involves restraining those who lack a conscience. This will level the playing field because normal people are already restrained by their consciences.
In the world we live in narcissists have gotten ahead in business and government. Their lack of empathy for others is advantageous in just about every endeavor. I don’t know how we are going to turn the tide to favor the altruist. I just know that will need to be done in order to evolve the world I want to live in. Enough of sociopaths in the top levels of government, industry, healthcare and education!