Alcohol and drugs were just subsidiary addictions. My main disease is unhealthy relationships. Alcohol use kind of tapered off with me until sometime during winter or early spring of 1992, I decided I didn’t want to use it anymore. Shortly after that, in April of 1992, I joined a religious organization (the Baha’i Faith) that asks its members not to use substances that lower mental capacity in any way. That makes perfect sense. Why would I ever want to do anything that might damage my God given faculties?

I used to drink wine and beer. I even brewed my own beer a few times. During the time I was making home brew (the mid nineteen eighties), I thought it was a health drink. What clued me that it might not be so healthy was when my alcoholic husband, at the time, drank forty bottles of home brewed stout in one night. That proved that it wasn’t healthy, for him at least.

I also used to smoke marijuana. I split up with my second husband in October of 1991. It was about a year prior to that that I finally realized I just didn’t enjoy being high, and that there really was no point in doing it, just because he was doing it, when, honestly, it just wasn’t doing anything for me. I would get high and then, finding myself high, my mind wasn’t working the way I wanted it to, and now I was going to have to wait several hours, maybe even overnight, to get my useful mind back. Why did I have to do it? Just because someone else enjoyed it? That was no reason! So I stopped.

The continuum of having less unhealthy relationships has been going on for a long time. At some point it changed to having an even healthier relationship, instead of a less unhealthy one. But I can’t say that I don’t still have room for improvement. A few days ago I decided not to go into a screaming rage anymore when someone makes fun of me, or does something that I find irritating. I’m better than that. But to my shame it wasn’t that long ago that I lost my cool over some little thing that wasn’t worth making a fuss over. It hasn’t happened within the last few days though. Thank God!

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