I’m 40% through the book, “Confessions of a Prayer Slacker,” by Diane Moody. Last night I enjoyed reading about the excuses we sometimes give for not spending time in meditation and prayer. 

Although the book is Christian orientated, I translate it to my more inclusive outlook. The writer gave an example of a Christian teenager having a meeting with Jesus, then telling Him, “You stay here, I’m going to a party by myself.” I thought, “How sad, I want to have mindfulness of Spirit with me all the time.” Sometime before, during or after my meditation session this morning, I realized that I  have a lot of grief and pain within myself that I am not being mindful of, or sharing with my spirit guide. After what I call “reporting to headquarters” for half an hour or so (assuming my meditation position), I continued to meditate lying down for an hour or so more. 

I have had valuable things taken from me with no attempt to compensate me in any way. This has been extremely painful. I had thought that I was working through the pain honestly. But somehow I was keeping God out of it, thinking this is just my wound. I have to work through this myself! 

I put melody and chords to Baha’u’llah’s healing prayer. The melody I chose was mostly based on an Iranian scale that uses a lot of semi-tones. It is very challenging to me, both to sing, and to find and play chords on the guitar for it. This kept me chanting the prayer over and over. (I still don’t have it well enough to share with anyone, so I’ll do it more.) The poster above is an except from the prayer, “Remembrance of Thee is my remedy,” mindfulness again.


Let me worship at your altar
While you’re worshipping at mine.
We will share a sweet communion
Tasting flesh and sipping wine.

In my arms a fine Adonis
In your arms an Aphrodite
God and goddess joined together
Taking of the sacred rite.

In this holy place together
Knowing mystic unity;
Priest and priestess to each other,
We are serving ecstasy.

We will hold this reality:
Worshipping in love as one.
When life’s details come together,
Let this moment overcome.

The above song lyric was written for Brian, a man I dated for 8 months, prior to his sudden and unexpected death 22 years ago at the age of 45.

To My Beautiful Daughter, Marie

Although the sex that produced you was not consensual at the time, I adore you with the totality of my being now. Can I regress to that point and give my whole-hearted consent now? Can I undo my angry tirade, “Look what you’ve done to me!” that was directed at your dad when I realized that I was in fact pregnant with wonderful you?

I thought that stopping at two children was the right thing to do. I showed your dad the stretchy ovulation mucous, saying, “We can’t do it tonight I’m ovulating,” not realuzing that was turning him on. We were legally married. We got our marriage license signed by our pastor when Clare was about a year old. Your conception was my first while being  in a legal marriage. 

I woke up and found him making love to me. I let him finish, then got up and took a hot bath. I went back to sleep again. I woke up again to find him making love to me again. This time I was too tired to get up and take a hot bath. It’s okay, I must have consented to that when I accepted him as my husband.

All my children delight me. You were the first that was born at home. I made arrangements to go to the hospital, realizing that perhaps I would go, perhaps I wouldn’t. I remember the wild ride we had to the hospital with Clare. I think Louise was in the car with us too, or maybe not, she was 9, so she may have stayed with a friend. I know she was at the hospital later to see the new little one. 

Your dad was speeding and got pulled over. I was in the back seat trying to manage the contractions. I heard his excited voice saying, “My wife is having a baby!” I heard the cop say,”We can call an ambulance if you like, otherwise you will have to observe the speed limit.” Fortunately he agreed to the latter. Clare was born in the ABC (alternate birth conceot) part of the OB section at Bay General Hospital in Chula Vista, California. Did not want another wild ride to the hospital.

 Louise’s grandmother had  9 children at home near the cotton fields of South Carolina, then the 10th she had in the hospital because they had moved to Ohio, and Louise’s grandfather had a job that would pay for it. “Sometimes it tears,” she told me while I was pregnant with Loise, “But it always heals whether we get stitches or not,” referring to the perineum.

I remember the sound we made when you came out of me and landed in your father’s loving hands,  as I squatted inside the bathroom. Little Clare was knocking on the door. We said we’d just be another minute. I had gotten Louise off to school then walked laps in the back yard.

Part of that sound was my perineum tearing. But who cares about that? I was focused on beautiful you. We had warm water in the tub ready for you. Dad cut the cord, we rinsed you off, wrapped you in a baby towel. Dad took you to meet your sister while I waited for the afterbirth. It smelled like spring rain. Then I lay down with you and we suckled.

The perineum healed but it was never the same as it was, but it is actually okay.


A while back I started a series on the chakras. Courage was about the first chakra, Dignity about the second chakra, Contentment about the third chakra, Power about the fourth chakra, and then Knowledge about the fifth chakra. After a time, I now to feel ready to write about the sixth chakra with this piece.

The 2nd  chakra awareness is of self and other but the focus is still primarily on the self. Chakras one through five are tuned by focusing mostly on the energies to and from ourselves. To tune chakra six we forget about ourselves and start tuning the chakras on other people.

You notice a lot of people are stuck at a chakra one awareness. These people might  be termed narcissists. Then others seem to have good marriages and family lives, although, other than that, they don’t seem to be particularly intuitive or aware. They have come to a chakra two awareness.

I would say, Donald Trump is at chakra one, and George W Bush seems to be at chakra two. Bill and Hillary put on a good act, but everyone knows that they have serious issues at chakra two. In each case, one might contemplate a person and attempt to raise his or her vibrations just a little higher than they are. We should probably also work with family members and people we know personally, but I’ll use Donald Trump as an example here since I just had a dream about him. 

If you are a Reiki practitioner you have studied how to focus energy to help heal another person. Tuning the chakras of other people can be a healing thing for them, but mostly we heals ourselves as we change our focus from pain and resentment, to looking at them as energetic beings with a stuck energy pattern that can be cleared up.

I dreamt that I was sitting at a table that included other people. I was sitting next to the wife of Donald Trump, and she wasn’t the wife he has now. She was closer to him in age and more similar to Him in body mass. I’m guessing she may have been one of his former wives with whom he has more of an eternal bond. I saw and heard her and him speak to each other like people who have a deep love for each other. 

Upon awakening, I thought that maybe I was wrong about Donald Trump being stuck at a chakra one awareness. Then I realized this was a dream, this was the dream fulfillment of my attempt to raise his vibrations. 

The world is ready for an energetic shift. Instead of the awful mess we have in the government now, we need diplomacy, sensitivity, compassion, justice, social progress! How we going to get there from here? By dreaming and praying? By crying, like I’m doing right now, blurring the words and the keyboard? I don’t know.

There is a Baha’i prophecy that a terrible calamity has to happen before a great world peace will develop. The government is a calamity right now, social progress going rapidly backwards, wars being escalated. It’s horrible! Can we do anything, or has all the power been torn out of our hands? If cry, pray and dream is all we can do, than at least we need to do that!

I feel the energy around my head like the shade of a sun hat. As you build up yours and I build up mine, we join together with all the mindful souls in the world, building the real reality, precipitating truth out of thin air. Wealth, guns, bombs and bars cannot stop us. We will prevail!

You Never

“You never listen to one thing that I have to say.”

“If you think about it and find one exception, then that will negate your, ‘You never…,’ statement.”

“All right, then name one time.”

“Just now. Obviously I heard your, ‘You never…,’ statement in order to respond to it.”

That is how the conversation should have gone. The way it actually went was me getting defensive, yelling, saying how badly my feelings were hurt and then stomping off stating that I can’t stand the company of the person who made the “You never…” statement.

Aside from the fact that I consider it rude to say,  ‘You never…,” or, “You always…,” to someone, I should not have a button whereby I get flipped out when someone says,  “You never…,” to me.

Sex Addict

I am a sex addict and codependent. I have low self esteem, an obsessive need to please, fear of abandonment and a compulsive craving for sex and relationship. 

Just as a recovering alcoholic must avoid alcohol, I, as a recovering sex addict, must avoid erotica that is not based in a healthy relationship. For too many years of my life I have tolerated the intolerable in order to remain in a sexual relationship. That is no longer the case with me.

My Weaknesses

Reply to “Coffee Talk” by Needlesedge:

1. I have a tendency to overreact when my husband reveals annoyance in his voice. He could be dealing with something unrelated to me. But I take it personally and get severely agitated. Maybe I get transported back to childhood when, if my father was speaking to me with annoyance in his voice, the blows were about to start falling. That never happens with my husband of the past eleven years. So I become a screaming idiot for nothing.
2. My complexion is terrible.
3. I’m not very good at blogging, but will see if I can get this on your comments page.